OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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