Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
