i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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