this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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