If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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