he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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