Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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