Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
