Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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