worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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