O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Sorry about my life...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
