I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
