Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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