ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
