Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
