Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
