after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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