I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
