im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
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