I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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