Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
