I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
we're so committed to being not committed
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize