I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
