I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
