Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
handjob tips. give me some.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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