nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
