So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
