i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
