no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
