Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
