Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I believe in your delicious
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