I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
