i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
