He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
tequila makes me forget i have legs
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize