I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
farters have to be the big spoon...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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