when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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