If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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