The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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