the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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