you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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