And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
