i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
