so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
