she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize