How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
