we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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