i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
