Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
