In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
