we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
