Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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