I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
