but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
