There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
