and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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