Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
