So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
