let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize