Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Barsexuality is the new black.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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