i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
