ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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