there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
