I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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