I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
