i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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