i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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