Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
