i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
