WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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