I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
