you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
